The Search and Rescue Mission that Saved My Life

This blog has been a long time in coming and I haven’t felt ready to write it till now. This is the story about the time I almost died on the side of a mountain in the Sisters Wilderness in central Oregon. I was on a backpacking trip with my husband and daughter when things got bad. If it weren’t for my daughter making the call to 911 and the 13 amazing Deschutes County Search and Rescue volunteers who climbed up Middle Sister to save my life, I wouldn’t be here writing this today. That sobers me in a way nothing ever has before.

Permission Slip & Creds

You have my permission to skim and skip your way through this blog. I’ve used this space to process some things and that has made it rather long. Some of it may not be your cup of tea. Titles are here to help you pick and choose.

All mission photos were taken by Taylor Bacci, one of the people who saved my life. Photos and video of our hike were taken and made by Emilia Smart-Denson, without whose 911 call, I would not be here today.

The Deschutes County Search and Rescue team saved my life. I’m including links to their website and links to their donation page which I hope you explore. They are an all-volunteer company of total badasses, highly trained, skilled and knowledgeable. Incredibly kind, they are also exactly the people you want to show up when you are having a completely unexpected emergency on the side of a mountain on a late afternoon in the wilderness.

It’s Gonna Be Amazing!

The Three Sisters Wilderness in central Oregon is gorgeous any time of year, and the peaks all along the Cascades still had some snow on them by the end of July, 2024. We picked this route primarily as a favor to me. I get terrible altitude sickness above 10,000 feet, and the loop around the Three Sisters never goes above 7,000. Gorgeous AND low altitude. Win-win!

There was no reason to think anything would go amiss. My husband has gone on long backpacking trips almost every summer I’ve known him. Our first backpacking trip together was in 1995 in the Wallowa Mountains of eastern Oregon to celebrate getting engaged. My daughter, 26, had recently spent 30 days in a NOLS women’s leadership training in the Northern Cascades with a seriously heavy backpack in lots of snow. My brother-in-law, Dave, had retired earlier in the year and, like the rest of us, was no stranger to wilderness adventure. Ultimately, Dave was unable to go with us on this trip, so it ended up just being the three of us. Me, Jeff and Emilia.

Strong Body, Strong Heart

I love to walk and hike. The previous fall, I’d walked 375 miles across France and Spain on the Camino de Santiago. Walking for weeks with a backpack on, anywhere from 10 to 20 miles per day was pure heaven. I’d fallen in love with getting up in the pre-dawn hours to hike alone in the quiet and dark so I could watch the stars and the moon set and see the sun rise. When I got home, I kept up the hiking reveling in the joy of alternating long walks with swimming in an outside pool rain, shine, snow or hail.

~ Lesson #1 – Take Care of Yourself & Your Body ~

Take care of yourself and your body. Get your heart rate up and push your body to do hard things. Whatever you need to do to be able to move? Do it. Get a massage, stretch, take yoga classes, go to physical therapy, work through injuries, and figure out what pain is telling you, then fix it. Pay attention to what you are eating and drinking. Learn about yourself and your body. Listen to what it’s telling you. Start small, build up. Don’t let life or fear get in your way. It makes a difference and gives you an edge in a medical crisis. Doctors and medical staff would later tell me that if I wasn’t as strong and healthy as I am, I probably wouldn’t have made it off that mountain.

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Do I Matter? What Value Do I Have?

Having been raised in a home affected by alcoholism and being an addict myself, I learned and understood early on that my value as a human being was directly connected to what I did, how productive I was, and what contributions I made to the world around me. In recovery since 1984, there have always been new layers of the onion of self-awareness to uncover.

By the summer of the hike, I was ready to think about retirement and what this might mean for me in terms of bigger questions like, Who am I if I’m not working? How do I matter if I’m not being “productive”? Do I have value if I’m not “contributing” to society in the ways I always have been? It seemed to boil down to three pretty big questions:

1. Do I matter?
2. Do I have value regardless of what I have done, do, or accomplish in the future?
3. Does my life have meaning in and of itself?

Aside from hanging with my kid and hubby, and a gorgeous hike in the mountains of central Oregon, I was looking forward to having time to commune with nature, with what I call my Higher Power, with what connects me spiritually to all things.

I’ll ask these questions, I thought, and spend some hiking time listening…see what wisdom might come my way.

When I woke up in the ICU with tubes and wires attached to every part of my body, with the sweetest nurse asking me if I knew my name, something in my life had irrevocably shifted. I had nearly died. The nurse gave me a brief overview of what had happened. He told me my son was on the way home from Switzerland on the first flight he could get on. I gazed at my husband and daughter, sound asleep on the hard hospital bench that doubles as a weird bed, and the tears started pouring down my face.

My guess is that about 50 people, from the 13-person Search and Rescue Team to the medical and support staffing of the Ambulance, Life Flight, St. Charles ER and ICU went out of their way to save the life a woman they didn’t know and knew nothing about. They didn’t have a clue what I’ve done in my lifetime, what, if anything, I have accomplished, and they honestly just didn’t care. This never entered into their calculations.

I let the tears flow and soon, felt myself smiling at the cosmic joke of it all. Yes. Apparently, the answer to all the questions is “YES!”

~ Lesson #2 – You and I Matter! ~

Yes! You and I matter! Our value as human beings has nothing to do with what we “do”, how much money we make, what we accomplish or how productive we are. In our deepest core selves, we are intrinsically worthy of taking up space on planet earth. Period. Know this. Work on this. Get therapy, go to 12-step meetings, talk to friends, journal, read books, be honest, be brave, whatever it takes. Know this. You matter, I matter, we matter!

And with any luck, your lessons will not need to be as dramatic as mine, for goodness’ sake. 🙂

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~ Lesson #3 – Electrolytes are Important! ~

Electrolytes are important. Very important. More on this crucial detail later.

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Day Two

With the vertigo the night before, Jeff and I had decided to see how I felt in the morning. No harm/no foul if we needed to hike back down.

Checking in with myself and my body after breakfast, I felt good. A little slow maybe? But ready to go. So, we broke up camp and headed off into a beautiful sunny day. The weather was perfect, not too hot, not too cold. The sun was shining! There were streams and rivers, wildflowers, trees, and views. The smoke of the day before had cleared following the rain, and it was all gorgeous beyond belief.

That afternoon, we decided to leave the main trail and hike up the Middle Sister to camp away from an area recently burned out by wildfire, and to be by some water. I remember feeling tired as I turned to head up the last mile or two and wondered if it had something to do with the altitude. We had only gone about 8 miles that day, and my pack wasn’t that heavy. I kept breathing, drinking water, and walking knowing soon, we’d be stopping for the night.

Am I Having a Panic Attack?

When I got to the spot where we decided to spend the night, I sat down and immediately knew something was wrong. I felt internally shaky, and my heart was racing. My first thought was that I had heat exhaustion. This didn’t make sense though, because it wasn’t that hot. I asked Jeff to help me into the stream and to fill my water bottle. As soon as I hit the water, the shakes and heart rate leveled up.

Jeff sat me in the sun and wrapped me up. I must have said out loud, “Maybe this is a panic attack?” Emilia, who had returned from scouting out a lake, asked, “Mom, have you ever had a panic attack?” Nope. So, this didn’t make sense either. Emilia knew I have experience managing my adrenaline and nervous system when I need to, so she offered to help by taking me through some box breathing.  Though I felt this calming me down, my body and heart rate seemed to have a mind of its own.

By this time, I was lying down shaking, slurring my words and wondering what in the world was happening. Jeff and I, no strangers to adventure, figured we’d work our way through whatever this was. Emilia, who, of the three of us, had the best outdoor wilderness first aid training, read the room and decided to call 911…if she could find cell service. For most of our trip, we hadn’t had any. Luckily & miraculously, she was able to find a couple of bars a few yards away from camp.

~ Lesson #4 – Take a GPS Device ~

Consider hiking with a GPS tracking device that has an SOS feature or satellite phone. You don’t have to use it, but if you need it, you’ll have it. In case of an emergency, it’s good to be able to get help.

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~ Lesson #5 – It’s OK to Ask for Help ~

Ask for help. Accidents and dumb things happen. It’s OK to admit we are in over our heads. Perfection is a myth born of bullshit, ego, and false pride. As humans, we need one another, and this is a beautiful thing. Being able to give and receive help are deeply spiritual gifts. It goes BOTH ways. Period. Know when you are out over your skis, when you are in over your pay grade. Be courageous. Ask for help.

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Are These Angels, or is this a Search and Rescue Team?

A couple of hours later, two amazing people, arrived at our camp. They had hiked/run up the mountain from the closest trailhead six miles away to get there as fast as they could. The rest of the team, 11 strong, gathered, organized, and hiked in carrying super heavy packs and equipment, including a wheeled bivy and oxygen tanks that came in handy. They got there a little while later.

Kathy, the team leader on this mission, who is a nurse in her professional life, quickly assessed the situation and, as she later told me, kept having to reevaluate as she got new information or as things she tried did/did not work. She had to make quick decisions to keep me alive. Another thing happening here is that not only are they making split-second life-saving decisions, but the team has to be aware of what and how they are communicating.

There are friends, and in this case, family members, impacted by the trauma of a medical emergency, who are already scared and in an emotionally vulnerable position. Words and tone matter always, but in a charged situation like this, they have incredible impact. This emotional sensitivity and awareness, when I heard it recounted later, hit me deeply. Not only was this Search and Rescue team dealing with a medical emergency, but they were taking care of my family, too. They held space for emotional care, while performing dauntless physical feats of strength and endurance, at the same time they were executing heroic medical procedures to save a life. Jeff, my husband, calls them “The Mountain Angels” for a reason.

This photo is one of the several Taylor Bacci took as the Search and Rescue Team made their way up Middle Sister to find us.

The ethereal feel of the burn and the smoky sky captures perfectly some of the feelings Jeff, Emilia, and I were having six miles away up at camp.

Some of the Stuff that Happened While I was Unconscious

From what I’ve been told, Kathy got an IV into my arm to start liquids in case I was dehydrated. When two bags didn’t help, and as dark set in, they strapped me to a stretcher with a big wheel on the bottom, one person on each corner. Down the mountain we all went as the sun was setting.

As we made our way down, Kathy was able to connect with the team doctor set up at dispatch, who advised her all the way down the mountain.

Imagine balancing the dead weight of a person on a one-wheeled litter going down a mountain in the dark, having to navigate through a burn with downed trees, rocks, and scrub. Just imagine.

When I started having a seizure, the medical team decided to administer medication to slow that process down and hopefully stop it. It worked. Then my airway closed, and I couldn’t breathe. Now what?

Let’s stop here just a moment. It’s dark in the early hours of the morning. We are miles away from the ambulance, and the helicopter flying overhead is unable to land. The person you are evacuating just stopped breathing. What do you do? Kathy and the EMTs intubated me – in the dark on the side of a mountain at O’God-thirty in the morning – and kept me alive.

It became obvious that I’d quickly go through the two tanks of O2 they’d brought up, so they called dispatch, and yet another hero ran up that mountain with a tank of oxygen in the dark in the wee hours of the morning so I could keep breathing.

These are some photos of the hike down the mountain.

How Do You Get a Body on a Stretcher Across a Narrow Bridge Spanning a River in the Dark in the Middle of the Night?

After some debate, the team figured it out, everyone stayed safe, and no one fell in.

Who ARE These People?

Who are the people who volunteer their time to respond to crises in the wilderness? Some of the responders have medical or military backgrounds. Some love wilderness adventure, and all are simply wonderful human beings who care deeply enough about other human beings to respond when the situation is dire and folks are at their most vulnerable.

These are badasses who regularly prove they can do what missions may call for. They run up and down mountains with heavy packs. They meet regularly for trainings and debriefs to build medical and technical skills that are required on missions. They connect with one another between missions and care for one another emotionally. From my perspective, it is a very special breed of people who commit themselves to this service. Mountain Angels indeed.

~ Lesson #6 – Donate to Your Local Search and Rescue Team ~

Or donate to the Deschutes County Search and Rescue Team. But donate. You never know whose life they will save. Maybe yours. Maybe the life of someone you love.

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Testing…One, Two, Three, Testing

The Ambulance took me from the trailhead to Sisters, Oregon, where we were met by the helicopter that flew me to the St. Charles Hospital in Bend. Thus began a series of tests to try to figure out what happened and why. The emergency room or ICU figured out pretty quickly that my sodium level was coma-low, but was that all? And why had this happened?

When I woke up in the ICU, there were tubes and wires all over my body checking O2 and heart rate, and pushing liquids and electrolytes into my bloodstream. There were beeps, ticking, and low lights all around. Later that morning, after many pokes and prods by nurses and doctors, a neurologist with sparkly sneakers and an equally shimmering personality came in to stick at least 30 wires all over my head with super glue to explore what mysteries might lurk in my brain.

A day and a half later, I got moved to a regular hospital room and then after another day or so, the Smart-Densons got to go back home. By this time, Henry had joined us, and the mom in me, though I hated the circumstances, was filled with the joy of having my family with me and the growing realization and gratitude that I was alive.

This is when we all finally got to the ambulance waiting at the trailhead, which would take me to the helicopter in Sisters, Oregon. You can see Jeff off to the right looking on. When I first looked at this photo, zoomed in and saw the look on Jeff’s face, I burst into tears.

Pizza and Tears

My daughter had used my phone to contact 911. She was texting back and forth with Kathy, so when I got my phone back, I had Kathy’s number and reached out to tell her thank you. The SAR team was going to debrief my mission along with some others in two weeks’ time, and I felt determined to get back across the mountains to thank everyone in person.

My brother-in-law was in town and sweetly offered to go with me. Off we drove for an incredible trip to Bend, OR. When we got there, we loaded up on pizza to take to the meeting and feed the lovely people who’d saved my life.

It was a little overwhelming to see everyone, but I got to hug almost all of them and say “thank you” face-to-face, which meant the world to me. We did a little Q&A because it’s not often that the SAR gets to see someone post-mission. Sometimes the outcomes aren’t as positive, and sometimes they just never find out what happened next once they hand the person over to the hospital or ambulance.

The first photo is Captain Ty Rupert along with Kathy, the woman who made many decisions that kept me alive.

The second photo is Lucas, the doctor who was advising Kathy from dispatch on the way down the mountain. That’s his son, Oliver, who was preparing to test for his next martial arts rank. He was kind enough to run one of his forms for me, and observing his focus and precision, I just knew he would pass his test. You can also see our dogs Penelope and Bellybutton.

Photo creds here go to Dave Acosta, my sweet brother-in-law.

“You’re an Anomaly”…But, Am I? …Really??

In the months following this experience, I kept asking, “Why did this happen?”. The answers from every medical professional I spent time with were terribly unsatisfying: “You’re an anomaly, sometimes these things just happen.” “You’re so strong and healthy, don’t worry about it.” “This is probably never going to happen again so just keep doing what you do.” “Sometimes we just never know why the body does what it does.”

The problem with this for me was twofold. One, every time I went for a swim, my hands and feet would feel numb, and every time I went for a hike, my legs and feet would cramp up. Clearly, something wasn’t quite right. Second, over many years, I have built incredible trust with my body. It has seen me through numerous 72-hour black belt tests, backpacking trips, and mountain climbing at altitudes that made me feel miserable, miles and miles of walking the Camino day in and day out, and other challenges I have engaged in with (mostly) pure delight.

Could I not trust my body after all? What was going on that I didn’t see this coming? How was it that I felt fine (though maybe I was going slow in retrospect?), and then suddenly I was not. As Kathy said when I saw her in Bend two weeks later, “It makes sense that you would feel your body betrayed you. It’s going to take time, but you will build back that trust. I know you will.”

I hung onto her wisdom and kept pushing to try to figure out what happened. I wanted to get back to swimming and hiking regularly because these things bring me joy and boost my mental and physical health in ways nothing else does. One day, I was on the phone with my dear friend, Andrea (she and I are on a recent hike in the next photo you see) bemoaning my numb hands and feet and crampy legs. “You need to talk with Stephie!” she said. Stephanie is Andrea’s sister and is a doctor who works with the NIH. We arranged a time to talk and she spent an hour with me on the phone asking me questions no one else had. She wanted to know details, like exactly what happened the day before, the night before, the day of, what I was eating and drinking, how I felt, how long we hiked, the temperature and altitude…everything.

The Magic Words

“I know why this happened!” At some point in our conversation, Stephanie said the words I’d been looking for and yearning to hear so desperately. She said the picture came into perspective for her as to why and how my sodium level dropped as drastically as it had. What she learned from the questions she asked all combined to make absolute sense to her scientifically and medically trained mind. And thus began her schooling of me in the mysteries of body chemistry.

~ It’s Worth Repeating: Lesson #3 – Electrolytes are Important! ~

Electrolytes help the body to function. Take their role seriously.

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Sugar Blues

A lifelong food addict, in 2017, I gave up sugar and sweeteners of any type (honey, stevia, agave, fake sugar, dried fruit, you name it, it doesn’t pass my lips), though I do eat specific quantities of real fruit. This has stopped the insatiable cravings that have troubled me my entire life.

Electrolytes like Gatorade, Nuun, Emergen-C, etc., all have sugar, so I stopped using them and never thought twice about it. Never had a problem. Never crossed my mind.

An important piece of the puzzle of the sodium drop as Stephanie would describe it to me, is that sugar works in combination with the sodium to deliver those crucial electrolytes into the cells. Together, they create a transportation system, if you will. As I came to think of it, if you don’t put gas into your car, it’s not going to take you where you need to go.

This, combined with how I was hydrating, and possibly an already low level of sodium to begin with, creates the perfect storm.

Stephanie’s prescription for me: “Sorry. You’re probably not going to want to hear this,” she said. “But I think you need to drink electrolytes every time you go for a swim or hike, better yet, every day. And yes, that means sugar.”

I got up from the call with Stephie, went directly to the store and downed 16 oz of Gatorade. It felt incredible. Since that day, I drink electrolytes every day. Period.  All symptoms are gone and as of my last sodium test, I’m back to normal. I think of this as my medicine, what my body needs to keep strong and healthy.

Going Back to the Scene of the Crime

We didn’t really go back to Middle Sister, and it took some time, but my friend, Andrea, and I did go to Bend a couple of weeks ago to meet up with Kathy and Taylor, another “mountain angel” from the team that saved my life. We went for a glorious hike on a perfect day along the Deschutes River, saw Osprey and some cute little snakes.

We chatted all along the way. I loved learning more about Kathy and Taylor and hearing about their lives and what makes them tick. We asked about trainings and missions and how things work operationally at the Deschutes County Search and Rescue HQ.

~ Lesson #7 – Debrief Traumatic Experiences When You Can ~

Debrief when you can. Having this hiking time with Kathy and Taylor helped me process some of the things that happened last summer. It was helpful to hear what they were thinking and feeling as this experience unfolded. My admiration of them, their team, the effort all of them make, continues to grow. These people are incredible. Wow. Really. Wow.

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Here are Taylor, me, Andrea, and Kathy on our recent hike along the Deschutes River on a glorious April day.

Photos , Time, and Unconditional Love

Taylor took some photos of “my/our” mission. She offered to share them with me if I thought I was ready. I was ready. Later, when I had a moment, I sat down with the pictures and was flooded with feelings, which I figured might happen. I didn’t expect to be quite so overwhelmed. But I was.

This whole process has taken time. Time to look for answers and regain trust with myself and my body.  Time to settle into the impact of what happened and time to accept the various pieces of the experience. Time to work through and come to terms with the mental, physical, and spiritual lessons gifted to me along the way. Time…it’s a friend.

I keep coming back to a deep sense of gratitude for unconditional love, and the myriad ways it moves within each one of us, through the people around us, and by way of circumstances and experiences in which we find ourselves. Unconditional love inspires strangers to rescue you and save and your life. Unconditional love is when people around you hug you and tell you they are so grateful and happy you are still here on planet earth. Unconditional love can come when and where you least expect it. Just like that. There it is.

My heroes and new friends.